I hold in everything.

I act like nothing’s wrong when deep down, my whole world has come crashing down. I pretend things don’t bother me so I don’t look weak. I hold in all my tears, fears, and aspirations because to others they may sound silly or even stupid. I’m afraid to be judged. I feel like a constant disappointment and failure. Words hurt me more than I’d like to admit. The mean girl look I give is me hiding all the pain I feel inside, it’s me building up a wall hoping someone someday will have the courage to tear it down and get to know the real me. I’m a bitch to those who I shouldn’t be and honestly I question why some people have stuck around as much as they have. I fucked up in high school, I  wish I could start over. I’m not where I want to be in life. I hate the person I’ve become & there is so much I want to change about myself, but I can’t find the strength to do so. I hate my attitude & how I treat others. I hate absolutely little thing about the way that I am & the way that I look.

I want to be someone else, because in all honestly, I despise the person I am.

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